hi guys... i mean... 'HI GUYS!!!!'... in case you haven't noticed, i'm blogging!!! Yay... after 6 months of hibernation... yea.. so many things have happened during this past 6 months.. oh gosh.. must i go thru' everything?

Anyway, think i'll be getting a new blog soooon... would like an archive for the stuff i write.. so, that's all fer now.. ho ho ho... merry christmas everybody!!!!!!!

This is amazing. it expresses what i feel exactly.. at least almost.. read it!!

Girl Columns
Zoe Heller

Their columns retailed the sort of self-deprecating confidences that women often use to establish intimacy with other women: Oh, you needn’t be threatened by me – let me tell you about the time a tube of spermicidal jelly fell out of my handbag at the bus stop… Personal humiliation was, in fact, the theme of the girl columns. (The humiliation took many forms, although for some reason falling asleep in a public place and waking to find that you’d been drooling proved to be one of the most persistent leitmotifs.)

The bravado with which the girl columnists revisited their own pratfalls and miseries puzzled a lot of readers. There seemed something contradictory and even suspect about avowing one’s own folly and despair with such exuberance. Reading Bridget Jones brazenly extol the hopelessness of her love life had a strangely contrapuntal effect – like watching someone leap on stage and belt out a show-tune about being shy. Indeed, when James Wolcott wrote an article for the New Yorker in 1996 decrying the outbreak of ‘girlishness’ in modern female journalism, he singled out this mixed tonal message as one of the more irritating aspects of the new girl writing. Wolcott was nostalgic for the explosive rage of seventies feminism.

Sure, those warrior-chicks were a handful, but at least you knew where you were with them. By contrast, the kittenish girls of the nineties were troubling all over the place- simpering and swaggering, telling you off, then rubbing up against your leg. The straightforward wrath of the tough nuts had been replaced with the tempery caprice of show-offs.

Some of these writers are gifted and amusing, but all cling to ad fluff up an image of themselves that seems flirty and confrontational a the same time: flirtational. (Tell me I’m cute – or else.)

Quite so. The girl writers were flirtational. But the mixture of neurosis and confidence they displayed – that nervy oscillation between insecurity and bolshiness – was one of their greatest assets. The girl columns were not models of journalistic excellence; the quality of girl prose tended to be extremely uneven, but, at their best, girl writers achieved a refreshing, even startling, level of honesty. Part of that honesty lay in refusing to play either entirely tough or entirely timid – insisting on the confusing truth, which was a combination of both.


Attention. Popularity. Fame. It can be so sickening to be chasing, seeking and wanting these things all the time. It's like always wanting to be heard. Always wanting to be loved. Always wanting to be cared for. And always wanting to be praised. And they can never satisfy becuause you'll just continue wanting more. It is so sickening. Subtle flirt. Subtle acts to seek attention. I was lke that. And i feel so fake. So not-myself. So made-up-to-be-what-others-want-me-to-be.And i just glad and thankful that i've broken the curse and freed myself from that bondage.

Came home after wfl class.. there was this old man selling ice-cream under my block. Bought a $1 choc cone ice-cream. It's nothing expensive, nothing special. Yet it brought me happiness for that short while. I dunno.. it reminds me of my childhood.. where at the ring of the bell kids would run down the stairs with however lil they have to buy whatever they can. And the old man would always secretly add a tiny scoop more of ice-cream just to see the faces of those lil children sparkle with joy. It's those lil things in life that really make up the meaning of life.

Something stupid.. when i was young, i had a secret fear of toilet bowls.. i was scared that when i'm answering nature's call, a snake would glide out of the toilet bowl and bite my ass.. Haha.. i told you it's something stupid..

Argh.. debate competition's in 1 week plus' time now... j1s!!! you guys gotta really pull up your socks man... and start being committed to debate... it's not a cca... it's a passion, it's a lifestyle...

Gosh... sigh.. anw, got homecoming tml... so boring lor... i really dun wanna go but i have to attend the college day thing... Grrrr....

Gotta go now...

i miss blogging...

using my dad's com now.. anw... had sum kinda adventure jus now on the bus.. heh heh... sigh. going running tml... it's been really long since i've trained.. and now that i'm in a talking cca, i really dun exercise much.. so i better run to make sure i pass my napfa and not kana afternoon pe!!!

J. Low's in CJ!! hahah... the ex-commando-now-pe-teacher whom everyone revered when she was in ny.. is in cj! haha...

nth much to write.. bye guys.. tk care kaez?? buais..

It's been ages since i've blogged. My com kana virus attack, and my dad's been too busy to fix it for me. Anyway, i'm using my dad's com now. The keyboard's so lousy.. nvm..

Nothing much to type. Hmmm. 2004 years ago, Jesus resurrected on this day, proclaiming victory in the heavens, and overcoming Satan and his fatal threat to mankind. Because of this resurrection, millions of Christians all over the world cry out to a living God.

Something about yesterday's sermon that struck me. It was on the cross where Jesus' intense hatred against sin and His immense love for man met. I wanna live my life for God.

Why

We rode into town the other day
Just me and my daddy
He said I'd finally reached that age
And I could ride next to him on a horse
That of course was not quite as wide

We heard a crowd of people shouting
And so we stopped to find out why
And there was that man that my dad said he loved
But today there was fear in his eyes

So I said daddy why are they screaming
Why are the faces of some of them beaming?
Why is he dressed in that bright purple robe?
I'll bet that crown hurts him more then he shows
Daddy please can't you do something?
He looks as though he's gonna cry
You said he was stronger then all of those guys
Daddy please tell me why?
Why does everyone want him to die?

Later that day the sky grew cloudy
And daddy said I should go inside
Somehow he knew things would get stormy
Boy was he right
But I could not keep from wondering
If there was something he had to hide
So after he left I had to find out
I was not afraid of getting lost
So I followed the crowds
To a hill where I knew men had been killed
And I heard a voice come from the cross

And it said father why are they screaming?
Why are the faces of some of them beaming?
Why are they casting their lots for my clothes?
This crown of thorns hurts me more then it shows
Father please can't you do something?
I know that you must hear my cry's
I thought I could handle a cross of this size
Father remind me why?
Why does everyone want me to die?
When will I understand why?

My precious son
I hear them screaming
I'm watching the face of the enemy beaming
But soon I will clothe you in robes of my own
Jesus this hurts me much more then you know
But this dark hour
I must do nothing
Though I've heard your unbearable cries
The power in your blood
Destroys all of the lies
Soon you'll see past their unmerciful lies
Look there below
See the child
Trembling by her father's side
Now I can tell you why

She is why you must die

Conservative.

I feel sad for this word. It has, somehow, a negative connotation. Traditions, bondages, no-lifers, pathetic backward Asians. Okay, i do agree that i'm a lil over, but you can't deny that 'conservative' does have a negative connotation... esp. in the 21st century when people are seeking 'identity', 'true love', and 'freedom'.

Was watching this cheena show just now. There's this married women who's contemplating about whether or not to cheat on her hubby. It's been portrayed that if she doesn't 'follow her heart and go for that guy', she's being conservative and backward in her thinking. Even my mum thinks that she should commit adultery.

Is it conservatism? Or isit simply being wise? If, or rather when, that character commits adultery, there are dire consequences on her family. They may end up in a divorce, a broken family for the daughter. Is it worth it? A happy family for a 'true love', or rather true lust.

If one would abandon the family for 'the one', wouldn't he abandon 'the one' for 'the other one'?

It's so heart wrenching to realise that the people around you are falling into a never-ending cycle of seeking. Seeking for overwhelming emotions, only but a bunch of feelings, but never finding answers. They'll never be fulfilled.

Call me dumb, call me conservative. I'll rather be conservative than deceive myself.